...confidence < ability?...

Anyone that knows me or has read all my blogs knows about my friend Wes.  Wes came into my life unexpectedly at just the right time when lots of changes were going on.  I RELUCTANTLY took a free session with him at the gym at the coercing of the manager there, and through a series of events I hired him as my personal trainer.  Wes later became my great friend and has remained my friend for many years even though we haven't "worked" together in probably 5 years.  There was a time in my life when I looked up to Wes like he was the "be all end all".  In my eyes, Wes could do no wrong and he knew EVERYTHING.

When he moved away, it was very hard on me.  I lost my coach...my mentor...my confidante...my friend.  I grieved that loss.  I never thought I would get over that, but like any loss in life...time heals and what was once a sharp pain became a hardly noticeable dull ache.  Wes moved on and found the love of his life that became his wife and I found that I could do things all on my own and became a personal trainer.  We kept in touch and I was really excited to have him and his wife move back here recently.  I was feeling a little bored and frustrated with my own training and he wanted to get into better shape again so we decided to start working out together again.

People all fall into roles.  It's comfortable.  We do it without even thinking sometimes.  So as usual, Wes has been the "coach" and I have gladly reverted to being the student...until yesterday.  He came in to workout with me yesterday after I had to fill in at the gym on my day off.  As usual, I said, "What are we doing today?"  He said, "Whatever you want!  We are here in a different place.  YOU decide today and we will do it."  I generally like to plan ahead, but there was no time to plan.  I was really nervous and unsure...uncomfortable in this new "role", but I wrote our workout down on the board.  Wes was reassuring so I gained a little confidence, but I wondered deep down if he was just being nice.  We did the workout...and it was good...and we went our separate ways. 

I stopped at the store on my way home and as I got out of the car, I received a text.  It was from Wes.  I was surprised to read what it said.  He told me that the workout was great and that he was really impressed with my knowledge.  I put the phone down in disbelief.  I picked it up and read it again.  I had a moment right then and there in the parking lot.  It began with being so surprised because Wes has so much knowledge and I've never felt like I could ever be half the trainer he was.  Then I stopped for a moment to examine WHY I was so surprised by that compliment.  I've been training people for 4 years and spent thousands of dollars going to seminars to learn and become a better, more informed trainer.

 I concluded that my confidence in my ability and my actual ability should be equal, but they aren't.  Instead, my confidence in my ability has been less than my actual ability.  I have always been reluctant to share my knowledge fully because I was afraid of being wrong or what other people might think.  I knew I had the ability to motivate people, but I wasn't always sure about my practical knowledge.  Yesterday, in two sentences, things changed.  I don't know everything and sometimes I make mistakes, but I realized that I know a lot more than I ever thought I did.  I also realized that I should never doubt myself like that again.  Neither should you.  Don't let past hurts or disappointments cloud where you are today.  See yourself as you are and be aware and proud of your abilities!  Find your confidence...even if it means you have to search for it!  From now on, don't let your equation look like this:  confidence<ability.  Make it look like this:  confidence=ability!  Be confident and believe in yourself!