...BOXES...

  I'm not very good at organizing.  I wish I was.  I hate clutter, yet I'm surrounded by stacks and stacks of papers and books as I sit here at my computer.  I struggle to move the mouse to my computer around because there is an array of sticky notes hanging from the bottom of my computer screen and tons of mail...some opened and some not...and pens and cords to various devices all piled on my tiny little desk here in my bedroom.  I was just thinking this morning that I need to see if I can get a file cabinet that wouldn't look bad and some boxes to organize my work stuff...my paperwork...my life.

As I thought about this, in between making more "to do" sticky notes and putting on makeup in my bathroom, I began to think about people...my people...the ones in my day to day life...the ones I care the most about.  I was thinking about how I organize people into imaginary boxes with labels.  I expect different things from different people, and I give of myself in different ways depending on the "box" that people get put in.  So I started to review the people closest to me (besides my children) and before I knew it...my totally normal, good, strong, "everything is just fine in the world" kind of mood took a turn and the tears began to fall.  Then, they began to flow.  I was filled with disappointment and sadness because I realized that a few of the people in the most important boxes...the ones I keep closest to me...don't really fit in those boxes the way I thought they did or the way I want them to and they take much more than they give.

As high maintenance and demanding as I can be at times...I am a giver.  My greatest desire in life is to help people and make others happy.  It's like the old Girl Scout camping rule...you should always leave your campsite better than you found it.  I try to leave people better than I found them.  I guess where the problem arises is that not everyone lives like a girl or boy scout and while the "Golden Rule" is what I try to live by...I don't get the same in return very often.  My first reaction was to blame the people that have let me down, but you know what they say..."When you point the finger at someone else, there's three pointing back at you!".  So, I had to put down the mascara brush that was now useless with tears flowing and take a good, hard look at the unhappy girl staring back at me in the mirror.

It may seem strange that I talk about this on a blog dedicated to strength.  It may seem to be a personal pity party or a rant and have nothing to do with being a strong woman, but I disagree and I know I'm not alone.  What I realized as I looked at myself in the mirror with tears streaming down both cheeks and wet spots on my t shirt where they fell, was that it's not everyone else's fault that I feel unfulfilled in many of my relationships.  Sure, people should be less selfish and be more willing to do what it takes to be there for the people they say they care about.  And yes, it would be nice if just a few of my daily interruptions were just someone that wanted me to know they were thinking about me...not because they need something, but just because they care.  I wish that the people that I listen to and give advice to, were as willing to listen and offered the same support that they are given...not because they have to, but because they want to.  At the same time, I realize that I have chosen who I give access to and how much I give them.  Some of the people that have had the most access in my life, really don't deserve it anymore.  This makes me sad and leaves me with questions.

After I stop trying to figure out what is wrong with ME, I finally ask myself the question, "WHY?".  Why are these people where they are in my life?  Why do I do the things I do and give the way I give when I am smart enough to see that there is little or no reciprocation?  I think there are 2 reasons.  The first is that sometimes it is because I want so desperately for a person to have a certain role in my life or fit into a certain "box".  It's like Cinderella's step sisters trying to force their feet into the glass slipper.  I try to cram the person where I want them and hope that somehow they will surprise me and fit.  I make excuses for them, even though deep down I know the truth.  I want people to care about me the way I care about them, but I know that I have no control over other people's feelings.

Probably the most important reason that I am struggling with my relationships is because I am taking the seemingly easy way out and choosing to ignore the problem.  I'm letting fear and grief take the reins.  It's like it's easier to muddle along and have half a** relationships that leave me unfulfilled, than it is to "clean house".  I can lie to myself and fantasize that someday it will be different...better.  I cry when my feelings are hurt and then I quickly suck it up and pull myself together in an attempt to feel strong and in control.  The problem is that as long as fear and grief are taking the reins...I don't have any way to steer myself towards another path.  I have to take the reins back and make some tough decisions.  Maybe a very few people and their "boxes" need to be tossed out, while others need to be put in different "boxes"...the kind that have very limited use...the kind that I don't give so much time and attention to, but that I can still access for very specific purposes with no expectation of anything in return.  These are the kinds of boxes that don't sit so close to me, but find a new home in the attic or garage...somewhere far enough away that they won't be so distracting..somewhere that they won't get in my way or drain my strength when I have to move them.

Life can be such a vicious circle of cause and effect when we do not make the right choices.  It's like I need to find the strength to make these changes, but my strength is drained because of the unhappiness that these problems are causing.  Change in any form is tough, but some changes are easier for us than others.  Everyone has their weaknesses and mine is the people that I care about.  I have survived some terrible things in my life that not many people know about.   I've conquered major weight loss, and I can always find the strength to workout or begin eating healthier, but it's people...sometimes the seemingly closest to me...that I have a hard time being strong enough to deal with.  It's hard for me to set boundaries and deal with the possibility of people walking away from me or getting mad at me.  Maybe some of you struggle with the same thing.  If so, it's time to make changes.  It's time to believe that you are worth being treated with love and respect.

I know deep down that I am strong enough to make these decisions, and here's what I know about strength.  My strength is not just about moving heavy weight or how fast I can do a workout.  My strength isn't just about the quotes and pictures that I use to inspire people.  My strength does not come from making changes that come easier to me.  Strength is about doing things that are really hard for me.  Strength is trying again when I fail.  Strength is knowing that I may have to stand alone and being brave enough to do it.  Strength is deciding what is best for myself and then taking action...real action...and standing tall in the aftermath...no matter what.  I know what I need to do.  I have some serious housekeeping and organization in front of me and I am going to dig deep to find the strength to do it.

..."the bad stuff is easier to believe"...

I love the movie "Pretty Woman".  I know that in simple terms, it's an unrealistic movie about a prostitute that finds her "Prince Charming" and gets "rescued"...and I also get that it probably glamorizes a very terrible, unglamorous, way of life...BUT...I still love it and watch it every time it comes on TV.  There's always been one scene that I have related to.  It's the scene where she talks about how it's easier to believe the bad things than the good.  It's like it's me talking...the me that not many people see...the old, hurt me that I have tried really hard to overcome.  I've done a pretty good job at trying to let go of the past and the thoughts that sometimes haunt me.  I've tried to ignore the negative thoughts that sometimes enter my mind.  I've tried to forget hurtful words that I let shape and define me for too long.
                                
 When I saw the picture above on a friend's Facebook page that says, "Don't believe everything that you think" it made me stop and think about my thoughts and how they shape me...how they effect my day and my decisions.  I thought about how hard it is for me to accept a compliment or believe the good things that people tell me some days.  After I discount a compliment or ignore something good someone is telling me, I always regret it.  I always wonder why I didn't just smile and say "Thank you!".  I get so frustrated with myself and think that with all the nice things I hear these days...why do I struggle to believe those words at times?

I realize looking at that picture that even though it's been a long time since I was told I was "ugly" by a boy in 7th grade...even though it's been many years since I suffered from betrayal or dishonesty...even though I've turned my life around and made something very positive out of some negative things that I went through...my thoughts have not changed as much as they should.  I tell myself mean things at times.  I can limit and defeat myself when I focus solely on my weaknesses instead of celebrating my many talents and strengths.  I've learned to grow a thicker skin and ignore the things that may be said about or to me in the past couple of years.  So I guess what I've figured out is that other people are not as much of a problem as I am.  These days, it's my own voice and my own thoughts that I need to change.

If we tell ourselves over and over that we are not worthy...if we constantly look in the mirror and focus on what we don't like...if we beat ourselves up internally for every mistake...and we do it over and over and over again...soon it will become easier to believe those things than it will to believe the good.  Don't do this to yourself!  It sounds like a daunting task...an impossible situation to change, but it's not.  Just like most things in life, it takes practice.  It takes chasing those negative thoughts out of your mind and embracing and believing the good that comes your way.  Sometimes, we just have to do it even when it doesn't come natural.  We have to "pretend" to be the person we want to become.  We have to embrace the good characteristics and begin making them ours.  If you begin behaving as though you are valuable and worthy of compliments and good thoughts, soon it will become a habit and you will become a different person.

Stop believing everything that you think and stop believing the bad.  Make a decision today that you will change and set your course in a different direction.  This one change can affect every aspect of your life in and outside of the gym and bring you happiness and success that you may be missing out on.  It may be easier to believe the "bad" and hard to change your thoughts, but anything worthwhile is not easy.

* The picture at the top that was the inspiration for this blog post is from the SoMuchMore Facebook page.  Please go visit this page and "Like" it!  It's an uplifting, great page that provides daily inspiration for a unique new website!  CLICK HERE to visit the page!

piCkeD LaSt iN gYm...

I was never athletic growing up.  I never played a team sport...ever...and I never played sports in school either.  In fact, P.E. was a miserable thorn in my side EVERY day that I went.  The feeling of dread that I experienced as I was dressing out before class was overwhelming, and the feeling of being a loser that I experienced for that hour everyday was even worse!  I could never climb the rope and when it came to being chosen for "teams"...I was almost always last or close to it.  Anyone who has "stood on the line" waiting to be picked...hearing everyone else's name be called as there are less and less people...knows that feeling.

I remember the day I had fulfilled my P.E. requirements in 10th grade and I no longer had to go.  I was overjoyed!  And so began an adult life where I avoided anything athletic.  I was conditioned to believe that because I wasn't good at it naturally, that it meant I never would be and I should accept it and not put any effort into it.  I had never belonged to a gym in my life until I was 34 years old.

I joined a gym because I was overweight and miserable.  Everyday was a struggle.  I was out of breath and tired and my own reflection repulsed me.  Although I always tried to look my best, I was often treated like I was invisible in stores.  There was even a day that a salesman stopped waiting on me in the middle of me trying to purchase a car stereo to wait on a young, thin, pretty girl.  It took me right back to gym class...to being picked last...only because they were forced to.  I hung my head and walked out with my toddler on my big hip.  No one even noticed I was gone.  I sat in the parking lot in my mini van and cried uncontrollably.

So, when I decided to join a gym and get in shape, I was really scared.  I found a safe place...an all women's gym...on the tiny downtown strip in my small town.  Most of the women were just like me...or at least I thought they were.  I was younger than most and they treated me nice.  My confidence began to grow...just a little.  By the time the gym went out of business almost a year later, I had lost 70 lbs.  I was no longer heavy.  In fact, I was VERY thin.  Although my confidence had grown, I was nervous about joining a "big gym"...one with men and women.  Still, I was loving working out and I wasn't gonna stop so I pretended to be brave and I signed up at a local gym.

It was there that I met the man that started out as my trainer and ended up one of my best friends.  I was a reluctant participant in a free 1 hour session with him, but through the course of events, I became his regular client for a year.  My life forever changed.  I was still NOT naturally athletic.  I was awkward and clumsy, and I had no sense of balance.  I wasn't accustomed to doing things I wasn't good at.  Those were the things I avoided in the year before.  Wes didn't allow that.  He pushed me...hard.  He knocked me down when I got too big for my britches and he built me up when I was feeling low.  When he moved away, I had to learn to do it on my own...and I did.  By the time I became a personal trainer myself, I was no longer the girl no one wanted on their team.  I was the girl leading the team...the one that everyone knew they could count on to go a little faster and fight a little harder.

Today...I can do pullups, and I can climb a rope...not one like we had in gym class with knots...a real rope.  Today...I may not always be first, but I'm also very rarely last.  Today...I have confidence in my ability, and I no longer dread walking into a gym.  The gym has become my refuge...a place I feel comfortable.  I know I'm not the only one with bad memories of gym class.  I know I'm not the only one to ever be picked last.  There may be people that read this that still feel that way at times...people afraid to try something new because they don't want to fail...people that feel like the last kid standing when the teams are being picked.  YOU CAN CHANGE THAT.  You do not have to be THAT kid anymore.  Face your fears and learn to do things you never thought you could.  Every time you think about NOT "dressing out" for the gym...change your mind and GO.  Every time you want to say, "I'm not athletic."...think of me.  Start today.  See yourself differently and decide that you will no longer be picked last in gym!

...confidence < ability?...

Anyone that knows me or has read all my blogs knows about my friend Wes.  Wes came into my life unexpectedly at just the right time when lots of changes were going on.  I RELUCTANTLY took a free session with him at the gym at the coercing of the manager there, and through a series of events I hired him as my personal trainer.  Wes later became my great friend and has remained my friend for many years even though we haven't "worked" together in probably 5 years.  There was a time in my life when I looked up to Wes like he was the "be all end all".  In my eyes, Wes could do no wrong and he knew EVERYTHING.

When he moved away, it was very hard on me.  I lost my coach...my mentor...my confidante...my friend.  I grieved that loss.  I never thought I would get over that, but like any loss in life...time heals and what was once a sharp pain became a hardly noticeable dull ache.  Wes moved on and found the love of his life that became his wife and I found that I could do things all on my own and became a personal trainer.  We kept in touch and I was really excited to have him and his wife move back here recently.  I was feeling a little bored and frustrated with my own training and he wanted to get into better shape again so we decided to start working out together again.

People all fall into roles.  It's comfortable.  We do it without even thinking sometimes.  So as usual, Wes has been the "coach" and I have gladly reverted to being the student...until yesterday.  He came in to workout with me yesterday after I had to fill in at the gym on my day off.  As usual, I said, "What are we doing today?"  He said, "Whatever you want!  We are here in a different place.  YOU decide today and we will do it."  I generally like to plan ahead, but there was no time to plan.  I was really nervous and unsure...uncomfortable in this new "role", but I wrote our workout down on the board.  Wes was reassuring so I gained a little confidence, but I wondered deep down if he was just being nice.  We did the workout...and it was good...and we went our separate ways. 

I stopped at the store on my way home and as I got out of the car, I received a text.  It was from Wes.  I was surprised to read what it said.  He told me that the workout was great and that he was really impressed with my knowledge.  I put the phone down in disbelief.  I picked it up and read it again.  I had a moment right then and there in the parking lot.  It began with being so surprised because Wes has so much knowledge and I've never felt like I could ever be half the trainer he was.  Then I stopped for a moment to examine WHY I was so surprised by that compliment.  I've been training people for 4 years and spent thousands of dollars going to seminars to learn and become a better, more informed trainer.

 I concluded that my confidence in my ability and my actual ability should be equal, but they aren't.  Instead, my confidence in my ability has been less than my actual ability.  I have always been reluctant to share my knowledge fully because I was afraid of being wrong or what other people might think.  I knew I had the ability to motivate people, but I wasn't always sure about my practical knowledge.  Yesterday, in two sentences, things changed.  I don't know everything and sometimes I make mistakes, but I realized that I know a lot more than I ever thought I did.  I also realized that I should never doubt myself like that again.  Neither should you.  Don't let past hurts or disappointments cloud where you are today.  See yourself as you are and be aware and proud of your abilities!  Find your confidence...even if it means you have to search for it!  From now on, don't let your equation look like this:  confidence<ability.  Make it look like this:  confidence=ability!  Be confident and believe in yourself!

...stop dieting...

When the word diet is said, I immediately cringe.  I cringe as a fitness professional and I cringe personally.  We hear it all the time..."Diets don't work!".  Actually, they do work.  The problem is that the results usually don't last and you're left with disappointment and depending on the extreme matters you may have taken, you could be left MORE unhealthy than when you started!  Starving yourself or working out to excess WILL make you lose weight, but it is NOT maintainable and can do you more harm than good in the long run.  This is the opinion of the personal trainer side of me.

Personally, I cringe because I am a girl that knows what she likes and isn't happy when I don't get it.  I associate diets with the LOSS of things I enjoy, and I hate the feeling of deprivation that has always accompanied diets in my life.  I remember being a teenager and moving an old stationary bike in my room.  I remember eating lettuce and taking diet pills and riding that stupid bike.  I remember hating myself and feeling ugly.  Obviously that's extreme and unhealthy, but I think even healthy diet plans can be risky if you don't have the right mindset.  After my 2nd child, I joined Weight Watcher's and had great success.  I didn't get strong at all, but I sure got skinny.  It started out well for me, but somewhere along the way...old demons and ideas crept back in.  I was so obsessed with the number on the scale that I was going to see every week when I went in for my weekly meeting, that I would refuse to eat meat for 2 days before weigh in and I would use laxatives the day prior.  I've never admitted that to anyone, and it makes me sick to see the words on my screen.  The only reason I admit this is because I know there are women and men out there trying to be better but they are going about it in the wrong way.  The Weight Watcher's plan did not drive me to that.  Being on a DIET and my own personal fear and unwillingness to REALLY change both my body AND my mind drove me to that.

So if you shouldn't diet, should you just be happy where you are at?  My answer would be, "No, not necessarily."  When I weighed 200 lbs back in 2002 and began my own transformation, I went back to Weight Watcher's because I needed some kind of structure and plan.  I did not attend meetings, because for ME personally...I knew the public weigh in would set off some of my past issues.  After a couple of months, I had started to build a healthy foundation but I wanted to be able to eat more healthy fat, like nuts and avocados and the "points" on those did fit in well with being able to eat enough.  For the first time in my life, I made my workouts and what I ate more important than what I was NOT able to eat.  I practiced discipline and moderation.  I ate good most of the time but occasionally I would have small amounts of things that I wanted.  I always used to say, "ONE doughnut, once in a while, will not make you fat.  One doughnut everyday is another story."  I had great success doing things this way and maintained my weight loss for 9 years.

You may think I'm going to go on a rant about the Paleo diet or how I have began eating in the last couple of months.  I'm not.  Do I think there are benefits to this way of eating?  Yes, but the point of this is to change the way you see food in general, no matter HOW you choose to eat.  Make a decision to eat healthier.  Simplify your choices.  Ask yourself questions.  "Does this food make me healthier?  Or less healthy?"  When you are choosing something, be aware that you are indeed CHOOSING.  You don't HAVE to eat crap because you are traveling or tired, and you don't have to skip meals because you are busy.  It's a choice...a choice that's easier to make if you think ahead.

When someone that hates to run at the gym asks me how to get better at running, I have a very simple and true answer.  I say, "Run more."  Sounds like a smart a** response, but it's the truth.  If you want to increase your cardiovascular respiratory endurance, you have to increase your cardio activity!  Eating and choices are no different.  Make better choices more often when it comes to your food and it will become easier.  I remember when I began running and the first day that I burst through my own front door, excited to announce that I had just run for 13 minutes without stopping.  I knew then, I was becoming a runner.  I'm still not quite there with my eating.  I'm feeling myself start to lean back towards old habits.  I was taking my own meals to my parents' house for Sunday dinner and then the past 2 weeks I didn't.  Last night my Mom had barbecue brisket and pasta salad and corn.  I ate it and I feel bad today...physically and mentally.  So, it's a new day.  Not a piece of food has gone in my mouth yet, and when I get up and walk in the kitchen...I'll prepare something that leads me closer to my goals rather than further away.  You can do the same.  Quit "DIETING" and start eating healthier.  You'll be surprised what a difference this shift in attitude can make!

DO DO DO....DADA DA DA...is all I want to say to you

All my life, I've had a funny little thing I do when I'm feeling insecure.  I act the complete OPPOSITE.  I BEHAVE as though not a thing in the world can shake me.  I have certain things I do...ways I sit, place my arms etc.  The person across from me in these situations would never know how nervous I really am.  I was practicing this last week as I sat in an attorneys office.  my attorney is older and has a strong Texas drawl.  He always wears expensive dress shirts and ties and everything is in place.  So when I visit him and we are in the conference room I usually sit leaning slightly back and I will hang on arm up over the chair like I don't give a crap because it makes me feel like I have some power.  It's interesting too, because he responds to this.  I can tell he "buys" my fake bravado and he respects and likes it.  He and I were talking about business things and the subject of diet came up.  I told him what I had been doing and how pleased I was with the results.  As I think back on it now though, I can see why his reaction was what it was. 

I BEGAN by telling him all the DON'Ts!  DON'T eat this and DON'T drink that.  He smiled and laughed and said in a sarcastic tone, "Wow...so I can pretty much just drink water...  That sounds great."  We both laughed and I went on to tell him what you CAN have, but really it was too late.  The focus began and ended with a focus on what NOT to do.  As I've thought about reeling my own diet back in a little tighter again since my 30 Day Challenge ended...I've focused a lot on the DON'Ts and that can be pretty depressing and leave you feeling deprived.  Some of the ladies in the STRONG LOLA 30 DAY CHALLENGE group on Facebook talked about doing another 30 Day Challenge because they felt like they had slipped back in to old habits.

 I think that's great, but I want to offer a suggestion.  Rather than focus on the DON'Ts...focus on the DOs!  It brings a completely different perspective that can apply to any diet and fitness regime.  Whether you are Paleo or a Vegetarian, it's the same thing.  Focusing on the positive and the things that you should be doing will make it a completely different experience.  So I will give you MY list of DOs!

DO choose the highest quality of food and meat that you can afford!  I recognize that buying grass fed beef and organic veggies costs more than if you buy the regular stuff, but if you can work it in to your budget...it makes a difference in the way you feel, the taste of your food, and the way your body digests it.  The food you buy that is not organic and is in the grocery story has chemicals that your body has to process and remove in order to keep from poisoning your system.  I have also read that organic veggies, grass fed beef, range free chicken, and cage free grain fed eggs also have a higher concentration of nutrients.  Pay attention to the QUALITY of the food you purchase and do the best you can.  If you can't get the highest quality, don't beat yourself up or feel like you cannot participate in a healthy lifestyle.  Make the best choices that you can and remind yourself that whether you are eating organic veggies or not, prepared properly that's still a better choice than throwing a bag of frozen corn in the microwave.

DO eat balanced meals!  While I understand bacon is delicious and so is fruit...only eating those things or eating too much is not good either.  Make sure that you have balance on your plate.  Eat protein and healthy fat and good carbs at every meal.  People think that the word carb is evil.  It's not.  We need carbs, but it's best to get them from healthy sources like vegetables and fruits and sweet potatoes.  Choose good, healthy carbs rather than eliminating them from your diet.  Make sure you are getting enough healthy fat so that you feel full and stay satisfied longer.  There are lots of sources of good fats in olive oil, raw nuts, avocados, and olives.

DO prepare ahead to avoid snap decisions choices made out of desperation!  Many people cook meals ahead of time.  I think this is a great idea and is very helpful to many people!  I have never been big on this as I tend to fly by the seat of my pants, but I prepare by ALWAYS having some type of veggies on hand and some kind of meat thawed out in the fridge.  As long as I have food that I can prepare on the spot, I will make good choices.  Another option is to cook bigger portions when you cook and put the leftover away for later so they are easy to grab and reheat when you need them!  Remember that you always have a choice.  Panicking never leads to anything good.  Many times, if I stop for a moment and think I can come up with a meal that is delicious and quick.

DO eat food that you like!  I am a picky eater so I preach eating what you like.  I have a very narrow range of meat that I like so it can be a challenge at times, but I never want to feel like I'm forcing myself to eat things I don't like.  If you don't like broccoli, don't eat it!  Find another green that you DO like and find different ways to cook the foods you enjoy.  I LOVE zucchini but if I ALWAYS eat it prepared the same way, I get sick of it.  I grill it, saute it, and sometimes I add canned tomatoes.  Using different spices and ways to cook things is fun and keeps you from getting bored.  Be creative!  I've surprised myself (in a good way) many times throughout the course of the past 2 months.

DO eat when you are hungry!  This is not about starvation and deprivation.  REMEMBER THAT!  It's about nourishing your body and fueling it well, so that it runs more efficiently.  If you are hungry, EAT!  This is another example of why it's good to prepare and always have food available.  If you have snacks prepackaged or you have fresh fruit and veggies in your fridge, you can easily prepare a snack that is healthy.  If you are consistently feeling like you are hungry or never satisfied, look at what you are eating and make sure you are eating enough protein and healthy fats.  This doesn't mean you have a free pass to eat all day just because you are bored.  Don't confuse stress or boredom with hunger, but if you really ARE hungry then you should listen to your body and eat!

DO make your food look appetizing!  I never used to arrange my food in any certain way on my plate or care about the colors.  I certainly didn't garnish my food or make my plate look photo ready.  Now, I do.  It does not take me hardly any extra time to throw a little garnish or place my food carefully on my plate.  When I sit down to eat and I have a plate that looks beautiful, I am excited to eat what I have prepared and there's also a sense of pride in what I have created.  It sounds silly, but this has been something that I and my family have really enjoyed.  It makes our meals more of an experience and that is a good thing. 

DO keep track of what you eat!  Since the day I started the Strong Lola 30 Day Challenge, and even in the month since it's ended...I take a picture of every meal I eat on my phone.  This does a few things for me.  It keeps me honest.  If there's bad stuff on my plate, it's gonna be in the picture.  It's easier for me than having to write everything down.  I don't need a pen and paper and my phone is always with me so it works well and I've accumulated quite the library of "food porn" as we like to call it!  It also goes hand in hand with making my food look appetizing.  I want to create meals that are photo worthy!  Try it for a week.  And if you want even more accountability, start a blog and post your daily meals!  It's also fun to send your pics to friends that are also watching what they eat to share ideas and get that reaffirmation that you are doing a good job!

DO be flexible and forgiving with yourself and others that are not making the same choice as you!  Sometimes you will HAVE to eat out or you may find yourself unprepared.  DO THE BEST YOU CAN.  Most restaurants will cook food to order.  Just be sure to ask lots of questions.  If you are at a Mexican food restaurant, order chicken or beef and ask for grilled veggies and/or guacamole INSTEAD of rice and beans.  Don't freak out or become a food "Nazi".  Having grilled veggies that were grilled in regular butter or vegetable oil is better than eating a cheese enchilada.  And if you make a mistake or choose to have a cheat, do it and then get back on track the next meal without beating yourself up!  I find when I beat myself up, it almost gives me a license to really go crazy because I feel like all is lost anyway.  That is not the case.  You are human.  Move on and do better next meal.

DO workout!  They say you can't outrun a bad diet.  Well, you can't just eat healthy and get fit either.  You need the two parts working hand in hand to be truly strong and fit!  It was hard for me at first, because my body was not accustomed to functioning on good, real, healthy food.  I was tired and felt bad.  I was weak in the gym and I wanted to just forget going most days, but I hung in there and eventually I felt MUCH better and I could see real changes both in my appearance AND in my performance in the gym.

As I think about my conversation with my attorney, I regret not telling him how great I feel first thing.  I wish I would've shown him the AMAZING pictures on my phone of the delicious and healthy food that I DO get to enjoy every day.  I'm DONE with DON'Ts and ready to focus on the DOs!  Be confident in your ability to succeed and if you're not sure at first...DO the DOs and fake it til you make it!  Try this approach and see if you feel differently about the choice you've made to get stronger and healthier.  Look at this as an opportunity rather than a struggle.  It may make more of a difference than you think!

...it's gonna cost ya!...

Ok...I'm just gonna be straight up honest.  I always thought eating healthy was for boring people that like gross food!  I know...an immature view, but nonetheless, it was MY viewpoint for most of my life.  It was easy to rationalize bad choices because I could say that I believed in "moderation in all things".  I could say that "God, put all these things on the Earth for us to enjoy and use."  Who wants to argue with that?  You know what they say about talking about politics and religion...  Sure, a smart person could argue and say "But what about drugs?" and I would come up with some snappy comment and walk away still thinking I was right and they were wrong.

This line of thinking makes rationalizations very easy.  It also leads to confusion as to why we may not be meeting our fitness goals which leads to excuses like "I feel tired and sluggish because I'm getting older." or "Women can't have great abs after they've had babies." or "I'm just not as genetically gifted as those other people at the gym.  That's why I perform poorly."  While not everyone can be energetic and #1 with a six pack, we can all certainly be better than we usually expect we can.

I was always just average size to on the verge of chubby growing up.  Then after I had children, I woke up one day at 200 lbs.  I decided to make a change and I worked very hard in the gym and I was careful with my diet.  The problem was that I still ate too little of the right stuff and too much of the wrong stuff.  I just watched my portions and then killed myself in the gym...6 days a week...almost 2 hours a day.  For YEARS, I out ran my poor diet with this plan.  About a year ago, I started to notice changes.  I still looked great by most people's standards but I felt different and I didn't feel like I looked as lean.  I noticed that instead of being in the top 3 finishers at the gym, I was slowly moving towards the bottom.  I hated it, but I was too arrogant to change.

Being a Crossfit trainer for almost 4 years, I was aware of the Paleo diet but it went against my "I don't believe in diets and especially not diets that cut out whole food groups" policy.  Besides, I was sure that it would never work for a girl like me that had eaten OUT for lunch...EVERYDAY for the past 8 years and ate out 4-5 nights a week as a general rule.  It wasn't until I started really loosening up my diet over time as I faced some personal problems and pain over the past year that I started to really become unhappy with both the appearance of my body as well as the function of it.  I had heartburn 3-4 times a week.  I regularly ran on 4 hours of sleep and I was not working out near as much as I had in the past.  Doing workouts was a drudgery.  I felt like I was dragging a weight behind me...every day.  I felt justified with the poor choices that had lead me to this place because I was in such internal despair.

As I've gone through the stages of loss, mourning, and evolution that I am still very much NOT done with...I have changed.  I've learned that arrogance and stubborn will don't help me be better.  I've learned that sometimes, we THINK we are sacrificing but maybe we aren't really sacrificing as much as we should or could. I feel like I am finally starting to get back to where I want to be...or even better.  I decided to do the "WHOLE 30 CHALLENGE" with some of the people from my gym I train at.  I invited anyone that wanted to join me to join me on Facebook and to my surprise there are over 800 people in this group now! Secretly, I feared failing...but I also knew that if I wanted it badly enough...I could do it and I did.  I made it through 30 days with not a single cheat!  30 days of no sugar, artificial sweeteners, alcohol, grains, dairy, or legumes!!!

After a total of 40 days since my start, I've lost 10lbs and lost a total of 6 inches on my body, but what I lost is NOTHING compared to what I have gained!  I gained confidence in my ability to change again.  I lost that somewhere in the shuffle of feeling like my life was secretly imploding.  I learned to open my mind to new ideas and became willing to do things that I never really liked and wasn't very good at...like COOKING!  I became more comfortable with being different and asking for help.  The WHOLE 9 website says "Let us change your life!"  I thought..."Whatever.  Nice catch phrase." but it has indeed changed my life and although they hear it every day I'm sure...I can't thank Melissa and Dallas Hartwig enough for the knowledge they have armed me with!

It wasn't easy.  In fact, the detox was almost 2 weeks of HELL!  I was tired and lethargic and emotional.  I felt achy and broke out in a rash but I committed myself to 30 days NO MATTER WHAT and I never gave up hope.  Many people will start and then quit with the excuse that this must not be healthy.  NO...what you've done to your body for years is unhealthy and your body is pissed.  Give yourself time to adjust and change.  It doesn't happen over night!  I'm not very good at planning or cooking ahead, but I always made sure I had plenty of food here at the house to cook and wasn't afraid to try new things.  I've changed my view on healthy eating.  I try to buy high quality food...grass fed beef, range free chicken, cage free/grain fed eggs, and organic veggies when I can because I now know that it DOES make a difference both in taste and in the way I feel!

Now that I am through the 30 days, I have had very few"cheats" here and there but I try to "cheat" as smart as possible and keep it to a minimum.  I realize that everything I eat is a CHOICE.  I'm either eating food that makes me healthier or less healthy.  It's that simple.  Eating healthy is not for boring people that like gross food.  Eating healthy is for people that want better and want to treat their body right.  Eating healthy is for people that are adventurous and enjoy trying new things and experiencing new flavors.

If you want something different out of your fitness, but more importantly, YOUR LIFE...you have to pay the price!  You may need to look at your diet rather than just what you do in the gym.  It will not be easy or always fun, but it's worth it.  The bottom line is that if you want to be strong and healthy...it's gonna cost ya!  Are you willing to pay the price???